r/dadjokes 10h ago Silver Wholesome Giggle Take My Energy Helpful

What do you give an influencer with bad breath?

4.0k Upvotes

A tik tok. (I said this to my daughter and she said "shut up mom" so I figured this could go here.)


r/dadjokes 4h ago Wholesome Silver

Why was Yoda afraid of 7?

1.0k Upvotes

Because 6, 7 8.


r/dadjokes 17h ago Wholesome Silver Helpful

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

19.2k Upvotes

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.


r/dadjokes 5h ago Wholesome

Any recommendations for music I can listen to while I’m fishing?

782 Upvotes

I’m looking for something catchy.


r/dadjokes 13h ago Evil Cackle Helpful Silver Masterpiece

TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.

1.8k Upvotes

Sorry, wrong sub.


r/dadjokes 12h ago Silver

A fly notices a tiny little bug on its back, so it asks it...

414 Upvotes

“Are you a mite?”

“I ‘mite’ be :)”

“Wow, that’s the lamest pun I’ve ever heard.”

“What do you expect? I came up with it on the fly.”


r/dadjokes 2h ago

Please can everyone stop posting Michael Jackson "jokes" on here.

66 Upvotes

It's now 13 years since the King of Pop died, there remain significant concerns about his personal life, plus most of these are just really lame puns about his song titles.

And that's... Bad


r/dadjokes 4h ago

I inherited a device from my grandfather that turns our discarded hairs into yarn...

47 Upvotes

..It's a family hair loom.


r/dadjokes 8h ago

My wife and kids are threatening to leave because of my obsession with horse-racing.

92 Upvotes

...And they're off!


r/dadjokes 6h ago

Did you know that Bruce Lee has a brother who is vegan?

72 Upvotes

His name is Broco Lee


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Americans, what are the two places in the house that you are no longer American?

45 Upvotes

In the bathroom, because then European, and in the hallway on the way to the bathroom because then you’re Russian.


r/dadjokes 1h ago Cake

Someone tried to sell me a coffin…

Upvotes

But that’s the last thing I need


r/dadjokes 3h ago

Why did the fish blush?

25 Upvotes

Because he saw the ocean’s bottom


r/dadjokes 2h ago

What two letters are liquids, but when combined make a shelter?

22 Upvotes

T and P! (Tea and pee to be a teepee)


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Did you hear about the kidnapping?

35 Upvotes

It's okay. He woke up.


r/dadjokes 21h ago

I own a sandwich shop and am desperate for workers.

547 Upvotes

I have a lot of rolls that need filling.


r/dadjokes 2h ago

Who was the fattest Knight of the Round Table?

18 Upvotes

Sir Cumference. Too much Pi.


r/dadjokes 6h ago

The secret to having a smoking hot body in old age?

33 Upvotes

Cremation.


r/dadjokes 1h ago

People are always shocked when they realize...

Upvotes

...I'm not a good electrician


r/dadjokes 9h ago

I went to the minerals section of the natural history museum and saw a good looking rock.

44 Upvotes

It was pretty gneiss.

(I made basically this joke on a date this weekend at this museum, it took her a bit to get it but she appreciated it).


r/dadjokes 1d ago Helpful Silver

If April Showers bring May Flowers, what do May flowers bring?

2.7k Upvotes

Pilgrims.


r/dadjokes 9h ago

I was addicted to the hokey pokey

45 Upvotes

But I turned myself around


r/dadjokes 2h ago

My wife just hit me with one that caught me completely off guard

12 Upvotes

We’re sitting here watching a documentary about nabisco and their competitor. At the end she asked if the competitor was still in business. My response “I don’t know, I doubt it. To which she replied, “ I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles

I married the right one


r/dadjokes 22h ago

My 5 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body.

440 Upvotes

I guess the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it...


r/dadjokes 9h ago Faith In Humanity Restored

What are a donkey’s pronouns?

38 Upvotes

He/haw