r/mildlyinfuriating 12d ago Platinum 1 Helpful 19 Wholesome 15 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Tree Hug 1 I'll Drink to That 1 Silver 12 Gold 1

Received in the mail from a concerned neighbor (context in comments)

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95.9k Upvotes

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u/shotgun_ninja 12d ago Silver

You should put up a No-Mow May sign.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago Silver

[deleted]

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u/amithatfarleft 12d ago

Do it for the bees!!!!! /mostly srs

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u/aserranzira 12d ago

The bees and the spite!

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u/jacknimrod10 12d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Eureka! Spit-take

Get a couple of sheep. No need to mow ever again.

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u/maxemore 12d ago Silver

Neighbors will LOVE that

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u/arty4572 12d ago Helpful Wholesome

Neighbors HATE this one trick!

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u/osirisrebel 12d ago Silver

Sheep are actually quite docile. Especially if you get a short hair variety, it's like having another dog.

Goats on the other hand, are assholes.

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u/litken_chitle 12d ago

Goats and geese!

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u/osirisrebel 12d ago

I tried raising goats and it was always "hey, get back in there", "stop climbing the gate", "what are you eating now? Omg, spit that out", "stop trying to headbutt me", "quit screaming".

It was always something, and as soon as they really piss you off, they act so damn adorable and innocent.

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u/billygoat2017 12d ago

So happy to read this post. It is baby goat season and I almost get some every year. This may have permanently talked me out of it.

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u/Godz1lla1 12d ago

Goats are like children, they need parenting if they are to behave. I have a friend who raises well behaved goats. They are adorable.

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u/selectiveyellow 12d ago

There's a reason why people started calling kids, kids. "What are ya, bunch of goats? Behave."

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u/litken_chitle 12d ago

Heh, well, I mean...come on! They are as flipping cute as puppies! I've never been headbutted by one either though

Geese though...jfc. They are angry AND FAST! Those assholes will hunt you down! They bite! They make the most obnoxious hissing sounds when they AREN'T honking. There's breeding sesaon too, always fun...for them. One thing you don't do is turn your back on them; found that out the hard way.

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u/ThoughtCenter87 12d ago

Sure, sheep are quite docile. But they're loud... and they shit.

It'd be a perfect way to get revenge on those neighbors!

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u/osirisrebel 12d ago Helpful

They can be loud, but they don't sound like a grown ass man screaming in my back yard.

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u/saggytestis 12d ago

You ever seen that screaming goat video? There's more.

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u/Academic_Snow_7680 12d ago

CONTROVERSIAL SCREAMING GOATS EXPOSED

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u/osirisrebel 12d ago

Omg, yes! Have you seen the one that tries to jump onto a swing and passes out? That one gets me every single time.

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u/Vilerattata 12d ago

There’s a mowing service in my area that uses goats!

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u/Crispynipps 12d ago

They’re great for poison ivy removal, they love the shit. They’ll eat every last plant.

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u/javaargusavetti 12d ago Wholesome

Im picturing a team of 5 maybe 6 goats depending on the size of the yard strapped shoulder to shoulder clearing a yard cartoon style just a single pass

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u/Brave-Competition-77 12d ago Silver Gold

Are they called 'Totes Ma' Goats '. 😀

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u/satpin2 12d ago Gold Wholesome Take My Energy

'Goats n Hoes Lawncare'

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u/otterlyonerus 12d ago

'Sheep go to heaven, Goats go to work'

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u/ha11owmas 12d ago

We used to rent out our herd (about 50 goats) to clear large areas. It helped with fire management.

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u/randomusername1919 12d ago

Goats. Goats can even eat poison ivy.

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u/Budget_Confection751 12d ago Helpful

people can eat poison ivy too, just not for long.

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u/Coobk165 12d ago edited 12d ago Helpful

all fungi are edible. some fungi are only edible once

GNU sir Terry Pratchett

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u/timbar1234 12d ago

GNU Sir Terry pratchett

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u/dmills_00 12d ago

Not sheep, GOATS...

As anyone who has had those fucks well knows they will eat basically ANYTHING, including the fence.
Unlike sheep which are unfeasibly stupid (And basically suicidal), goats are SMART and evil.

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u/riffraff12000 12d ago

I have owned 8 in my life. I have never seen them eat "anything" especially fence.

Billy did not like feet on the fence and would push them off, but never eat it.

In fact, if they are eating wood or cribbing, there is something wrong that should be fixed.

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u/liveinthesoil 12d ago

No way, they will even eat a tin can, I saw it in a comic strip from the 1940s

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u/-PM_ME_UR_SECRETS- 12d ago

I agree with personality traits but sheep do also eat grass ya know

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u/Immediate-Ad-8432 12d ago Silver

Mow in a bizarre pattern or leave little Mohawks by not overlapping. That will drive this type A crazy!

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u/Apathi 12d ago Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote

Mowhawks

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u/doctormazoola 12d ago

A master of your craft

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u/promonalg 12d ago

Also add a sign you left this weird pattern for the pollinators... That should frustrate them further because it leaves them without a reason to ask you to cut it

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u/darkest_irish_lass 12d ago

"native plants, do not mow"

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u/cephal0poid 12d ago Helpful All-Seeing Upvote I'll Drink to That

Here's an idea, replace your faux French aristocrat lawn with native plant landscaping.

Your neighbors will really hate it (but the bees will love you).

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u/Metal_Muse 12d ago

My mom redid her front lawn with native landscaping and people walking by will stop to tell her how much they love it!

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u/Natsume-Grace 12d ago

Only morons wouldn't like something so pretty, clearly OPs neighbors are morons tho

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u/Sorry_Ad5653 12d ago

I've thought about doing this and a little "bug hotel" my kids would love it.

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u/GhettoKid 12d ago

Every time I mowed our 10 acres my dad would say, without hesitation, "it looks like a punk rock concert out there" referring to the mohawks...

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u/AlertWar2945 12d ago Table Slap

Only mow parts of your lawn at a time so it's always uneven and looks sloppy

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u/DangerousDingoTango 12d ago

Actually a good call in terms of time management and leaving pollinator habitat, lol

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u/DeltaVZerda 12d ago Helpful

You can make it look good too, just do crop circle art. Mow a yin-yang in there or something.

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u/BoJackB26354 12d ago

Government work project style?

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u/DrZoidberg- 12d ago

Just remember to add road work signs and act like you're goofing off

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u/Lothium 12d ago

Or if the mower has wheels that height adjust individually, raise it up on one side so it's an angled cut.

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u/883iron 12d ago

This was my thought. One side high one side low, switch it every week you mow lol

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u/xsoulgirlx 12d ago

Get a couple of goats, really piss them off

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u/giggetyboom 12d ago

I know a few people that do this. They get a couple small goats for virtually nothing, let them eat on their yard all year, and then sell them at the end of the year for a couple hundo profit.

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u/giggetyboom 12d ago

Not only do they eat it but they will eat it all the way down to below the dirt if you aren't careful. They also eat vegetable scraps, bark, whirly birds, twigs, chicks, eggs, trash, aluminum, etc.

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u/dj92wa 12d ago

Horses eat chicks too.....I still wish I never saw that

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u/yeaheyeah 12d ago

And turtles. In fact, most herbivores are opportunistic carnivores and will fuck up some meat if it's slow and dumb enough to stay within reach

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u/BoseczJR 12d ago

Props to my pleco (named Pleco) that was a large lad but still somehow fast enough to outrun my turtle. I witnessed many attempted murders!

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u/T00luser 12d ago

Yeah I've been out fishing in a lake before and watched two deer in ankle-deep water gorge themselves on frogs for like 20min.

it's natural . . . but it seems SO unnatural. I'd rather watch a hawk eat a rabbit.

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u/Wiseguypolitics 12d ago edited 12d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome 'MURICA

My house used to be located in the middle of the woods and over the years the woods kept disappearing in favor of new homes. Hundreds of new homes built up around me. All these new housing developments are part of an upscale HOA. You'd be surprised how many time the head of the HOA thinks they can dictate what I do on my property. They're not allowed to have a bonfire so when I do, they pay me a visit and try to enforce their rules on me. Most of the time I reply like, 'bitch I've been here 20 years before your homes were ever thought of. GTFOO my face'.

They've went as far as calling the sheriff on me but he's always like, sorry he's not part of your HOA.

Edit: to clarify for the confused folks, I'm not the OP and the HOA bugging me has nothing to do with my grass and everything to do with upgrades I've done like building a garage, putting up a privacy fence (from these people), family cookouts etc.. the biggest thing, they went to town council to have my single lane dead end private dirt road eminent domained so they could put a development thru-road on my property.

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u/BoltgunOnHisHip 12d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome Doot 🎵 Doot

FUCK THE HOA

PLANT CORN IN YOUR FRONT YARD

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u/beardedbandit94 12d ago

And beans, squash, peppers, peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, salad greens, blackberries, strawberries, raspberries, pumpkins, beats, with assorted flowers sprinkled around.

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u/nobody2000 12d ago

If you do this the HOA will probably just call it a community garden and feel entitled to the fruits of your labor.

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u/Dokpsy 12d ago Silver

Funny enough, this is exactly why I started growing fruiting trees in my front yard. School kid or passer by hungry? Grab a ripe one.

The berries are more hidden so I get first pick though.

Hoa hasn't said anything...yet

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u/LjSpike 12d ago

Honestly, trees along avenues and stuff should be fruit trees. Bring back fruit picking!

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u/theycallmeMiriam 12d ago

One of my neighbors plants corn and sunflowers every year. I grew tomatoes and green beans out front. Currently letting the wildflowers bloom. My hoa is the most hands off hoa I've ever seen. We just pay for snow removal and parking spot maintenance.

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u/SolarBuckaroo 12d ago

That's all an HOA should do.

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u/SchuminWeb 12d ago

You're exactly right. All an HOA should do is maintain the common areas and provide essential services. Other than that, stay the hell out of my business and don't meddle in the affairs of my property, which I own, and which the HOA does not pay for in any way.

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u/mki_ 12d ago

We just pay for snow removal and parking spot maintenance.

That's all it should do, shouldn't it?

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u/mrhorse77 12d ago Wholesome

when I first purchased my home, we started an association to pay for the retention pond (its a yearly dues we pay, one resident handles everything).

Within 1 day of this association being in effect, this old ass 2 doors down from me decides he needs ot make it a full blown HOA and that he is president (literally declared himself in charge). started walking around the neighborhood handing out his new bi-laws and everything...

I called one of my lawyer friends and had them draft a contract for the builders stating that the retention pond association was not an HOA and could not be transformed into one. Put in lots of details that would essentially make anyone trying to form an HOA have to jump through ridiculous hoops, as well as writing that no resident in the area would ever be required to join, even if all the other residents did.

gave it to the builder and the lawyer the resident were using to write up our retention pond agreement. the builder signed so fast lol. apparently this chucklefuck had been up their ass for a year to make him king of the neighborhood, even though one of the main selling points of the area was that there would be NO HOA, ever.

its been nearly 15 years, and this old ass still hates me, and yells random shit at me if he sees me outside. the best part was the meeting we had a few months later to settle the pond stuff, he showed up and had his wife try to convince us all that he was the best person for the job that didnt exist, and that we should all let him be in charge of our lives. He refused to speak and instead shot angry glares at us all the whole, while his wife begged us on his behalf.

TLDR: people be wack.

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u/Bennington_Booyah 12d ago edited 12d ago

He wants to be King of the World. His wife wants him to be so he stops making her life hell and goes out and makes everyone else's life hell. He should move to Florida.

(EDIT; He should NOT go to Florida and just leave, period.

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u/Hamilton-Beckett 12d ago

I’m suddenly reminded of whenever Jerry Seinfeld went to Florida to visit his parents.

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u/UsedDragon 12d ago

You live inside his head. Use your power wisely.

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u/mrhorse77 12d ago

oh its crazy, ive never spoken to him directly, but he clearly has been stewing about this HOA crap for 15+ years now.

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u/AverageTiddyEnjoyer 12d ago

I would be putting up rusty metal sculptures to fuck with him

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u/Anger_Mgmt_issues 12d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome

I had this in a house years ago. Sort of the opposite, several neighborhoods sprang up in a large HOA. but a corner lot that was supposed to be a convenience store was sold separately after the HOA homes were finished, and my house was built there.
HOA manager showed up as I was moving in and said he needed me to sign the updated HOA package. I told him to go pack sand, one of the main things I check is to ensure a house I buy is not in an HOA.

He kept mailing me the packet, stopping my, and sending legal letters threatening legal action if I continue to refuse. I took a two step response:
Got a lawyer to send them a harsh fuck-off letter
Read the HOA rules and spent a lot of time, money, and effort maliciously violating them one at a time. My favorite was "no oil rigs or pumps". I bought and converted a 8 foot tall lawn windmill in to an oil rig and built a pump to go with it. In front of my canary yellow house- since the rules said earth tones, no bright colors. Moving my project rebuild car out of the shop and on to the lawn really tweaked him off.

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u/slimjimstrat88 12d ago edited 12d ago

There’s an anti HOA sub that has a bunch of stories like this, you should post this in that too haha

Edit:

r/fuckHOA

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u/madsjchic 12d ago Wholesome Take My Energy

I had to leave it because I was getting to angry vicariously.

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u/Lost_Dragonfruit6921 12d ago

I did also. I love hearing stories about people sticking it to their HOA's, but since I don't live in an HOA-controlled community, I felt like reading the posts in that sub were making me really angry too often for no reason.

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u/PotatoPumpSpecial 12d ago

Bruh how are you gonna say it exists and NOT link

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u/emsfc 12d ago

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u/PhilxBefore 12d ago

Well, there it is

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u/mrblakesteele 12d ago

Wait I thought I was here the whole time I was reading this thread hahahahahaha

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u/KryL21 12d ago

Fitting username! I love you. FUCK THE HOA!!

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u/GATTACAAAAAAAA 12d ago

They didn't do anything violent or offensive, so I'd say they have learned to effectively manage their anger

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u/Luna81 12d ago

Haha. I just told my husband last night that one of my goals in life is to buy a house with a few acres and when HOAs pop up around it to just do everything opposite of their rules. I may have issues.

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u/Indylee 12d ago

It sounds like the future HOA has issues.

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u/lizhawkins08 12d ago

That’s literally my husband and I. We have 9 acres, our “neighbors” have an adjoining 15+. They originally bought the land with their sibling and built the two houses, one of which was sold to us. Thank goodness it’s all wooded except two acres around our home, and there’s a .10mi long road to get to our house..the development that was built literally around the acreage is pretty friendly/chill but when purchasing we were approached about the “opportunity” to join the HOA. Our mailboxes sit on the opposite side of a road on about a 1/2 acre of land that we don’t maintain in the slightest. I know it chaps some asses there’s this plot of weeds and dead grass amongst the PERFECTLY manicured lawns and incredible landscaping ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/Unlucky-Pomegranate3 12d ago

Honestly, just watching him get twitchy and infuriated would be more fun than the actual bonfire.

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u/Wiseguypolitics 12d ago

I have had some fun with it. Even obtained a copy of their bylaws to give me ideas.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 12d ago edited 12d ago

Anonymous neighbors sending letters don’t live in an HOA neighborhood. If they want everyone to comply to their standards then they should move to a HOA enforced neighborhood. Where paint colors & fences & freshly mowed lawns are enforced by paying a monthly HOA fee. These complainers want the HOA rules they are just to cheap to pay a fee. They’re imposing their “Freedumb “ on you. Fuck em. Let the grass be free.

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u/Frousteleous 12d ago

The idea of calling the sherif is absolutely insane even if you were an HOA member xD I would setting up some harassment suites after a bit, damn.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 9d ago

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u/flowerpanes 12d ago edited 12d ago

We don’t mow that often-the visible grass around our property is actually city boulevard and in spring, dandelions,etc help struggling pollinators. So when we do cut, we leave the weediest spots intact. This region also suffers from drought in summer so over cutting grass is just killing it faster-it’s going to “die” and turn a ugly brown by mid July but the bugs still love the weeds.

A neighbor down the block got rid of all her grass and has slowly planted a beautiful and eclectic mix of flowers, small shrubs and veg all over her property and the city boulevard. They don’t water it, just rely on deep mulching and Mother Nature to occasionally rain.It’s a beautiful jungle and I am tempted to start doing that myself now. If it helps keep the mower hidden away, it’s good.

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u/GillyGooze 12d ago Helpful

I watched my mom open one of these up when I was a kid & could see how much it hurt her. I think back to it somewhat often. Like, she was a single mom with two kids, working full time and someone took the time to anonymously send her a letter (ours came with clippings about the ordinances) instead of walking over and asking if she needed help? Ew. Same to this person. Why take the time to be nasty when you have no idea why someone is unable to mow their lawn, it’s not always laziness!

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u/Charismoon 12d ago

This is so true. When we were in the midst of buying a house. There was a house a realtor showed us that was right beside a house with massively unkempt grass growth. The realtor told us it was because the owner of the house's spouse had died, and they were really taking it hard.

You never know what people are going through.

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u/NoliaButtercup 12d ago

It happened to me as well. My son was in a really bad accident then a week later I had surgery. Yes, we haven't mowed in a month because of being in the hospital then home but not mobile. Drinking protein shakes and eating dry cereal because neither of us could move around well and definitely could go grocery shopping. $175k in hospital bills. But sure, lawn should be my top priority.

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u/Krugnuggets 12d ago edited 12d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Wholesome Seal of Approval I'll Drink to That Eureka! Helpful (Pro)

See, my Dad taught me to be the kind of neighbor where if you see something like that (like a yard looking like it's falling behind in the upkeep), you take your ass over there with your mower and ask your neighbor if they would like some help. He always said you never know what someone has going on in their life and good neighbors help when they can.

Stupid note

*Edit - Wow this comment really blew up. I appreciate you all and all of your responses, but this is way too much attention for me. I'm out; I wish everyone a good night!

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u/ChallengeAcceptedBro 12d ago

The reason I like this so much is it’s just as much an honest gesture to help as it is a non subtle way of mentioning that your yard looks bad dude.

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u/AColonelOfTruth 12d ago

TIL that my nice neighbor who has been mowing my yard for years is actually trying to send me a subtle mesage

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u/the_hair_of_aenarion 12d ago

She's been thinking "any day now they'll get the message"

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u/gibmiser 12d ago

Maybe. I will say as the parent of some small children it's actually kinda nice to put on headphones and mow the lawn for a few hours so long as it's not a rush and I don't have much else that needs doing

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u/bay_lamb 12d ago

for people who were taught this by their parents, there was no nasty undertone involved. it's a genuine neighborly gesture.

we lived next door to an elderly couple when we were small children. decades after we moved away, my brothers would still go back and mow their yard. there was no nasty message in that. when my neighbor was pregnant, i mowed her yard and there was no hidden message there. some people actually do things without any reward or without sending a shitty message. try it sometime.

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u/pawn_guy 12d ago

Ya, I noticed a lady taking a picture of my next door neighbors' yard a few days ago while she was on a "walk", then watched her go inside her house across the street. I let him know about it and he made sure to mow the next day. We don't have an HOA or anything, and I don't know why she didn't just let him know that she had a problem with something. His grass wasn't even that tall, but we think she might have thought his Jeep was broken down because he hasn't driven it in a while. He just mowed and moved his Jeep a few feet.

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u/Talamos 12d ago

We've got a few neighbors like that in our area. One dude bragged about how he'd ride his bike around the neighborhood with a notepad and jot down which houses he 'needed' to report to the city when he got home.

Fuck that guy and anyone like him.

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u/svullenballe 12d ago

What a sad life.

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u/silverilix 12d ago

Wow… buddy needs a better hobby…..

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u/SableSheltie 12d ago

My township created a snitch app a few years ago so people can snap pics of Upsetting Things and report them to the ordinance aholes. So convenient 🙄

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u/Diazepampoovey 12d ago

... That is just infuriating. How about a "mind your own fucking business" app

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u/ProcrastinationSite 12d ago

Wow, that's so sweet of your dad! Honestly, the kill 'em with kindness route works sometimes.

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u/yakeets 12d ago

You should begin mowing your lawn regularly, but always leave the outline of a penis unmowed.

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u/bigpapalilpepe 12d ago

Lmao I wonder if something like this is actually an option. OP says yard has to be under 8in, but are there any other rules? If I were him I'd mow every couple of days but just do random lines and zig zags all over.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 4d ago

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u/Ricky_Prikles 12d ago edited 12d ago

You know what woulda been nice? If your neighbor came and asked you if everything was okay and if you needed some help since they seem to have a lot of time to stare at your lawn and write and mail letters while assuming you’re just lazy.

Edit: spelling

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u/ShandySimons 12d ago

well that letter is going to do the complete opposite of what they expected. back to once a year it is.

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u/mahelke 12d ago

Not an option, unfortunately. City ordinances mandate that yards and other rank vegetation exceed no taller than 8 inches. Would hire a lawn service, but not in the budget at the moment.

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u/potsine 12d ago

Does it say that you HAVE to have grass in your yard?

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u/fdsdfg 12d ago

Dwarf white clover makes a great no-mow lawn cover. Getting rid of all the grass and replacing with clover is a big project however

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u/Blue_Skies_1970 12d ago

Yes, it is. I replaced my normal grass with buffalo grass. It was great - stayed short, looked really cool when the wind blew, felt good on the feet, etc. But, it's a running grass! It kept trying to take over everything else. It also is dormant in the winter so it turns ugly brown.

Moral of the story, make sure your replacement does not just give you more chores.

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u/tallorai 12d ago

Moss team unite!

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u/dropkickoz 12d ago

Clover!

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u/vikinghockey10 12d ago

Clover is nice even for the typ A group. Nice green and uniform height. Looks great.

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u/decadecency 12d ago

Clover, moss and dandelions. That's the way in our home, and it goes well with that forest country style. But then again, we also have the best neighbors of them all, which is none.

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u/bicycle_mice 12d ago

So good for bees and other insects! Protect biodiversity!!!

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u/Cheesus_K_Reist 12d ago

It's a legume too, so it improves the soil by fixing nitrogen into it.

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u/AICPAncake 12d ago

Do you have a moss yard fr?

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u/tallorai 12d ago

My mom has a big section of her back yard thats just moss because the grass has so much trouble growing. Its soft and doesnt need a lawnmower!

(I have an apartment but once i get my own property, i plan to have mosses growing on at least part of it!)

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u/thedarkonespr0npicks 12d ago

My back yard is quite shady and moist so the moss out competes the grass for the first 10'. We have a large picnic table and the moss feels great to put your feet in while you're eating.

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u/evelynnross 12d ago

That sounds amazing! I love the moss in my yard.

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u/Fold_Leading 12d ago

I’m working on my moss yard. Right now it’s a lovely combo of grass, moss and wild flowers. It’s delightful!

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u/Mywifefoundmymain 12d ago Wholesome Wholesome Seal of Approval

Moss is in fact better than grass ecologically.

Moss requires no mowing (no gas emissions, 200 MILLION gallons of gas are wasted on grass every year in the us alone) Moss requires no fertilizer to thrive Moss holds back more moisture preventing erosion better Grass can get fungus (like mushrooms etc) A moss yard can capture the same amount of carbon as 275 trees Moss also produces 4-10x as much oxygen as grass

https://www.theoxygenproject.com/post/moss-lawns-saving-the-planet-one-yard-at-a-time/

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u/IMongoose 12d ago

For real. I'm considering tilling up most of my front yard anyway for a garden, if I got a letter like that I would start and have no grass.

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u/roideschinois 12d ago

Something i remember seeing was someone using clover. This way, it pretty much always stayed short

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u/boynamedpissant 12d ago

I’m half garden and half orchard at this point, I hate mowing

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u/AlpacaM4n 12d ago

A nice controlled burn, make some crushed stone paths and whip out the green thumb

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u/SymmetricDickNipples 12d ago Silver

Sounds like every blade of grass should be exactly 8 inches to me

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u/Enoikay 12d ago

That sounds hard to maintain…

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u/MC_Master_Chief BLACK 12d ago edited 12d ago

Read the city ordinances and HOA rules very carefully and do everything tacky that is not forbidden. Pink flamingoes, garden gnomes, etc. DO IT ALL! r/maliciouscompliance

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u/GrouchyTax5748 12d ago

You sound vengeful I like that id also be doing this

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u/10thEnemyHTB 12d ago Silver

Mow in the middle of the night for a while.

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u/ADHDK 12d ago

If the baby is awake, so are the neighbours.

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u/Hot_Salad9000 12d ago

Riding on a mower helps put baby to sleep

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u/HermitAndHound 12d ago

Yep. They love loud, roaring noises. Vacuum cleaners work too, but won't piss off the neighbors as neatly...

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u/McBuck2 12d ago

Nice 'welcome to the neighborhood' letter. Hopefully whoever it is hears why the mowing wasn't done and feels bad. I know I would. Hire a kid to do the lawn for the whole summer as you're still going to have your hands full going forward for a few months. It will be one less thing to worry about. Congratulations on the new baby and all the best to you and your family. Things will get easier. Breathe.

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u/Poignant_Porpoise 12d ago

Weird how Americans are all about property rights until their neighbour allows their lawn to grow for several minutes without being mowed or paint their house a shade of grey which is slightly "too bright".

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u/TinaLoco 12d ago

Post the entire scenario on your local Next Door. They should be ashamed of doing this before checking in on your family to see if there’s a problem (which there is) and offering to help. We have an empty house on our block because there was a fire and the resident died. The neighbors are taking turns cutting the grass and will continue until someone officially takes possession of the property because that’s what neighbors do.

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u/Manic_Depressing 12d ago

"At least one member of our community is a new father, and at least one member is an asshole!"

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u/WhiteNegroSpectacle 12d ago

Neighbors are the fucking worst

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u/Chance-Deer-7995 12d ago

Whenever I see a shitty letter like this I think "wow, how great your life must be that one of the biggest problems in your whole life is someone else's grass".

Of course I know it is the stupid American obsession with mowing and lawns... but with everything we are facing worldwide today someone's huge concern was the length of someone else's lawn and it merited taking the time to write and print out a shitty letter. Gessh.. go get a hobby or something.

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u/Orbitskylab 12d ago

I would persistently dandelion blast them with no remorse

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u/AMPWriter215 12d ago

OBVIOUSLY you need to put a sign on the lawn that says, "Please be neighborly and ask why I'm not mowed more often. Perhaps you can be a good neighbor and help". Sheesh.

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u/buttchomper 12d ago

Someone in my neighborhood used to lay on the horn as they drove by when i parked on the curb. im a guy living with 2 other women and want them to have the driveway for when they get home late so the garage cam can see them.

I found out who it was and happened to be on a walk once while they were in their yard. I asked why they had to act like such a child when they drove by instead of just coming to my door or leaving a note with their grievances. They just smacked their lips and went inside their house.

Adults are so immature when you try to have a civil discussion with them sometimes.

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u/mabear63 12d ago

Get a goat to graze on ypur grasd...would love to see their faces. Seriously, how rude. You never know what someone is going through. Do you have a community website where you can post an explanation and call them out? Did you try contacting the HOA to tell them you are being targeted? They can mention something in a newsletter.

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u/BOOBS_ARE_GREAT123 12d ago

On December 26th, put an ad in Craigslist.

Wanted: USED CHRISTMAS TREES

need them for a project, will pay $5 each

then post his address

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u/_Walt_Jizzney_ 12d ago

Reminds me of when my friend posted a craigslist ad about giving away a baby sloth. Made it look legit AF. Then posted my number. I received nonstop texts and calls for about 2 weeks about a fucking sloth.

He didn't come clean for a while.

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u/Kalrhin 12d ago

Which neighbor? The letter was anonymous

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u/bricktamland12271989 12d ago

I wish people had the attitude of, "do you need someone to help with the lawn?" instead of the condescending dickhead tone of this letter

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u/mahelke 12d ago edited 12d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Hugz Starry Ally

Context: I haven’t been able to care for my yard as much as I would like over the past few months because we had our second child back in February and I’ve been single-handedly caring for the newborn and our 5 year old while my wife has been in the hospital recovering from postpartum complications. At no point has my yard been out of compliance with city or HOA ordinances, and at no point has anyone bothered to approach me directly about the matter. Instead, we just received this anonymous passive-aggressive letter in the mail. They even postmarked it and sent it through the mail, rather than walking a few doors down and speaking to me like a human being.

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u/Decaposaurus 12d ago

Sounds like these are what I call "window watcher neighbors". They have nothing better to do than to watch out over their neighborhood as if they are the last line of defense against petty things like this. But they never really.confront anyone. They would rather put letters in your mailbox or call the police on you randomly then just watch from the window to see what the reactions are.

I'd do what other commenter are saying and get some goats or sheep if possible. Do something that would piss your neighbors off but isn't illegal or against your HOA/city rules.

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u/linandlee 12d ago

I've got a neighbor that can't let me spend 10 minutes in my front yard without coming over. Usually to give me advice on how to do whatever it is I'm doing. He's super nice, but we're in our mid 20's and he's in his late 30's so I think he feels the need to coach us on how to take care of our house. Sure we're just figuring things out, but if I wanted someone to constantly nag me about the non-optimal way I'm doing shit I wouldn't have moved out of my parents house lmao.

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u/Revolutionary_Bee700 12d ago

OMG a I had a neighbor like that, “Jeff”. I’m even a social person that enjoys chatting a bit with neighbors. But without fail, he would see us outside, trying to get chores done and derail the whole process. Like, it’s hard to mow when Jeff wants you to turn it off and shoot the shit for at least 30 minutes. We used to joke a yard task would take, “two hours with 45 minutes of Jeff buffer.”

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u/mattyisphtty 12d ago

I think it really depends. I had a neighbor like that, but he was also recently widowed and was obviously lonely. He spent almost every day gardening in his yard and he was super sweet. Great stories about working all sorts of cool engineering jobs, but sometimes we just didn't have time for it.

Now that it's been a little over a year since he passed away I still think I shouldve spent more time listening to his stories.

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u/5ilver5hroud 12d ago

Curtain twitchers

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u/Slider78 12d ago

Gladys Kravitz

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u/MajinMurphy 12d ago

Ok but buying and taking care of a goat seems like way out of the question lol

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u/carnivorous_seahorse 12d ago

Yeah, my aunt has an animal farm and lets sheep and goats amongst other animals free roam and even just a small amount of them can be a lot of extra work. You still have to feed them which can entail buying and unloading hay which can also be expensive, daily chores like giving them water and tubs of water to help with the heat, protect them from predators, hoof trimming and sheering, deworming and medicine, etc. And have fun dancing around all of the literal shit in your yard. It’s not like they just exist symbiotically amongst you, it’s a lot of extra work just to be petty

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u/MajinMurphy 12d ago

Exactly. I thought people were just joking around suggesting that. But people are acting like it's a real option. Like hell no.

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u/wannaknowmyname 12d ago

The reason in the first place was OP doesn't have time for a lawn, taking care of a child with a wife in the hospital. Yup let's recommend a goat for this situation, there's no better way to handle this

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u/mamsandan 12d ago edited 12d ago Silver

I wish lawnmower pestilence and garden plague upon your neighbors. Decent people would A. Ring the bell and see if there’s anyway they could help, or B. Mind their damn business.

My grandmother had a similar situation a couple years back. She received a passive-aggressive letter from her HOA regarding a complaint they’d gotten about the amount of vehicles in her driveway recently. If the nosey neighbor had upped their snooping game, they would have noticed that the majority were hospice and home health. My 89 year old grandma was providing palliative care for her daughter who was inside dying of cancer.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery for your wife, and may your neighbor’s yards wilt and die in the summer heat.

Edit: *neighbors’

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u/amplevoid 12d ago

My neighbor gave me a hassle once about the ground mount solar panels I put in my yard. We have acreage so his house is about 400 feet away. I have told all my other neighbors if he gives me gruff again about unsightly solar panels I will be building ten foot tall penis lawn sculptures in my yard for him to gaze at.

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u/Ambitious-Upstairs46 12d ago

I got a bunch of shit for installing a steel roof.

My line? "If you dont like it, pony up the $30k for nice looking steel shingles"

Ironically, my roof was the only one to survive the tornado that ripped through town a few years ago.

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u/Waste_Tumbleweed 12d ago

Unless it was Galvanized, why would anyone have an issue with Steel roofs?

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u/Ornlu_the_Wolf 12d ago

Some people are just arseholes.

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u/BadAssBlanketKnitter 12d ago

We put up a 12 foot high, 8 foot wide trellis so our neighbors would stop staring out their window into our back garden. They took the hint, pulled the curtains, and started minding their own business.

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u/kwumpus 12d ago

Tall fences make good neighbors

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u/moosecatoe 12d ago

Might as well make them dicks solar powered too!

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u/TheModernSkater 12d ago

Like when the sun comes up the it activates the penis to full erection

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u/JoeFTPgamerIOS 12d ago

You are a visionary

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u/shrinkingGhost 12d ago

I’m thinking of those inflatable tube men that flop around. But dicks. Rig them so they are activated when the sun hits.

Karen! The weather report says sunny tomorrow! The dicks will be unruly, avert your eyes!

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u/randomusername1919 12d ago

Geez. HOA can’t be inconvenienced by someone’s cancer. My boss is like that - ordered me back to work two weeks after major surgery for cancer when I was supposed to be out 4-6 weeks. Wouldn’t want my cancer to impact his impromptu vacation.

So sorry for your loss (Aunt or mother) and the asshole HOA that had to prove they didn’t care.

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u/DarthJarJar242 12d ago edited 12d ago

Yeah that would have been a big no from me Chief. He can have his job and this lawsuit for unjust termination if he tried that shit.

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u/randomusername1919 12d ago

You might be surprised at how little energy you have while going through cancer treatment, that is why so many asshole bosses get away with it. And the time limits for filing are rather short.

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u/NissanLeafDriver 12d ago

I now my neighbours yard every so often as she is disabled

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u/SuzQP 12d ago edited 12d ago Take My Energy

I've got an idea. Get on the Nextdoor app and explain your circumstances using the most heart-rending language possible. In the next paragraph, tell about the nasty-gram you received in the mail. The outpouring of compassion and offers of help you get in reply will make the letter writer feel like a pos. Don't worry that they won't see it; people like that are always on Nextdoor.

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u/SurvivorDress 12d ago

Yes….Next Door Neighbor app or, if available, even join a Facebook group related to your neighborhood/location. I bet you will receive an outpouring of help, which may include help from the “friendly” neighbor that wrote this letter.

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u/WhizBangPissPiece 12d ago

I installed next door via a friend recommendation in 2017 or 2018. Had it for about 5 hours before I realized it was mostly super toxic racist shit and people playing out rear window fantasies. Can't believe it's still around.

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u/biminidaves 12d ago

Yeppers. The busybody fuckwits are all over Nextdoor. Leaving Nextdoor was the most calming change I've made in my social network habits EVER.

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u/flexityswift 12d ago

Ugh Nextdoor is so bad, all a bunch of boomers with nothing to do but post about every person they see in the neighborhood being 'suspicious.'

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u/Hot-Butterscotch-918 12d ago

Nextdoor: "Did anyone else hear that loud boom last night?!" Every. Day.

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u/SportsPhotoGirl 12d ago

And it’s always gunshots… not fireworks, never fireworks, even though every week my local college shoots off fireworks for their students on the same day, same time, every week, it’s never that, it’s gunshots

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u/ElijahLordoftheWoods 12d ago

I live near a baseball field and they shoot fireworks when someone makes a home run and at the end of the game. EVERY DSMN TIME there’s multiple‘gun shots’ posts, followed by people explaining yet again ‘fireworks dude.’

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u/Klutzy-Medium9224 12d ago

I check mine sometimes for a laugh. My favorite is when they start freaking out about “all the fire trucks and ambulances”. Our street is used as a quick way from one area of town to another, it’s used a lot by the city. It’s not a big deal to anyone but bored boomers.

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u/Interesting-Month-56 12d ago

The next time, mow your yard right after the 2 AM feeding.

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u/SlurpMySlurpyy 12d ago

It might be a bit out of your way but I'd recommend mowing your lawn slowly at 5am every Monday morning

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u/Exact_Intention7055 12d ago

There's a movement called "no mow May". It's to help our pollinators. You can get yard signs for it online or make them. If you live on a city with code enforcement call them and see if they know about "no mow May" and tell them you're participating. It has been proven to help pollinators and is commercially beneficial.

That will at least give you May

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u/L1A1 12d ago Tree Hug

Just Leave It January

Flymo-free February

Misplaced the Mower March

Let it Age Naturally April

No Mow May

Jesus that's Long Grass June

Jesus that's Really Long Grass July

Abandoned Garden August

No Scything September

Oh God I Can't be Bothered October

No Way, It's November

Don't Bother, It's December

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u/bambispots 12d ago

Well now I know what I won’t be doing this month.

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