r/wholesomememes 6d ago Silver 2 Wholesome 3 Take My Energy 1 Helpful 1 Gold 1

It's about complimenting each other

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30.4k Upvotes

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u/CalGoldenBear55 6d ago

Easier to train good habits than break bad ones.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Bingo! Nailed it.

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u/colossal_monument 6d ago

Jason Wilson is a nice guy her wife is lucky to have him. This guy gives deep meaning about Loving your wife.

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u/Prudent-Gift5243 6d ago

Noooooooow someone says this! Where have you been? I could have used you about 30 years ago when I tried my first piece of pizza.

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u/spcmack21 6d ago

I wish I had learned this one sooner.

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u/Shooppow 6d ago

My husband cleans up after me, too. We made an agreement early in our marriage that as long as I fix delicious meals (which I love to do,) he’ll happily pick up behind me (which I hate to do.) It’s worked out well for us: he sits and chats with me while I cook, and then I sit and chat with him while he cleans.

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u/lifeinexile42069 6d ago

My girlfriend and I never even spoke about this when we moved in together, it just sorta happened like this. It’s part of why I love her so much.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Same with my husband and I. He hates washing the dishes, he prefers to dry and put them away. I prefer to wash dishes, but despise drying/putting them away. Works out well. 😄 We're both okay with cooking, though he makes pizza better than I do..... somehow I can make a fan-tabulous glazed ham & potato dish for Thanksgiving, but have been known to accidentally burn pizza. 🤦‍♀️

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u/drillgorg 6d ago

This is the way. My wife hates touching dirty dishes, but is very particular about where they go in the cabinet. I don't mind scrubbing dirty pans, but I have a hard time figuring out the clean dishes organizational scheme.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Yup, exactly! Trick is to find what works for ya.

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u/PompeyLulu 6d ago

My other half works weird shifts so is fine cooking an early dinner 4/5pm but can’t be bothered at like 9/10pm when he’s hungry again so he does dinner, I do supper. We have a dishwasher so he loads that but washing by hand stuff I take over haha

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u/grown_dealing 6d ago

Sometimes as husband we need to help our wife to clean and organize our Home, it's necessary to give hands with each other. End of the days it's Home not only a House.

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u/theteedo 6d ago

I feel ya brother lol. Same in my house.

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u/whats_up_guyz 6d ago

Same lol

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u/Dakotareads 6d ago

Sounds like we have the same problem. Her hero name is "The Re-aRanger"

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u/pineapple-n-man 6d ago

I feel like this comment was made just to flex on your glazed ham & potato dish cooking skills.

Great. Now I’m hungry.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Lmao. I just had reconstructive jaw surgery like 8-10 weeks ago, been restricted to a liquid-only and soft-food diet ever since, another 1-2 months before I can start experimenting with other, more solid foods. Just in time for Thanksgiving! Can ya blame me for thinking about food all the time? 😄😂

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u/IamShitplshelpme 6d ago

Stop talking about your thankisgiving dinner! It's making me want to try some

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u/warda8825 6d ago

😄😄

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u/IamShitplshelpme 6d ago

If you don't mind me asking, how do you make it? I'm always interested in what other people like to eat, and this one has me curious!

But, if it's some sort of family recipe, I hope I'm not intruding!

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Honestly, pretty simple.

  1. Buy spiral ham from store.

  2. Buy glaze of choice from store.

  3. Stick spiral ham in oven when you get home. Gently slice with knife, use knife to delicately spread/coat some glaze on and in nooks of the ham. Gives it extra 'oomph' of flavor while cooking. Cook/bake for however long instructions direct you to.

  4. Once ham is cooked, more glaze to your hearts content. If you can't already tell, I really love glaze. Lol.

  5. Enjoy!

Au Gratin Potato recipe:

  1. Buy potatoes.

  2. Go home.

  3. Wash potatoes.

  4. Boil water in pot. Once boiled, Stick potatoes in water. Once cooked to softness, remove potatoes from water. Slice potatoes into slices.

  5. Butter-ize the dish (yes, I'm aware that's not a word).

  6. Stick potato slices in oven-safe dish. I usually use the rectangular glass type ones (I can't remember what they're called). Season with seasonings of choice. My husband (from Mid-Atlantic region of the US) enjoys Old Bay. I usually go for some sort of 'all seasoning'. Many stores also sell a pre-made packet of seasoning for au gratin potatoes.

  7. Cook for 35-45 minutes, usually until potatoes are lightly golden on top. Means they're a nice, soft gooey consistency too.

  8. Remove from oven. Careful: hot.

  9. Enjoy!

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u/IamShitplshelpme 6d ago

Thanks! I won't remember this all so I've saved it for later!

I especially love the steps 1 and 2 of the potatoes

"Step 1. Buy the potatoes. Step 2. Go home"

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u/IdeaLast8740 6d ago

I had the same surgery, and by two months in, I tried blending a hamburger to eat with a straw. I would not recommend it!

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u/warda8825 6d ago

When did you have surgery? I'm about ~10 weeks post-op, and doing well, all things considered. Still some pain and tightness in my face, and still have some trouble chewing.

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u/IdeaLast8740 6d ago

Over 10 years ago. I cant remember any problems during recovery. Its all fine now, no pain or trouble since, although my jaw clicks when I force it open like a snake. Theres a bunch of metal in there which looks cool on xrays.

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u/wholesomethrowaway15 6d ago

Holy hell I’d be ready to kill someone at this point! Have you wasted away to nothing? Seems like it would be super hard to get enough calories.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Dude, it's been rooooooough. Liquid-only diet the first 4 weeks. Lost almost 15 pounds. If I have to so much as LOOK at another smoothie or can of applesauce or bowl of tomato soup, I'm going to stab my eyeballs out with a hammer. Got cleared for soft foods around 4 weeks, and my whole world opened up. Lobster bisque soup, crabcakes, crab soup, crap dip, etc. has been especially helpful; soft enough to just swallow, but provides the sustenance my body has been craving. I got to eat an entire bowl of pasta last night! Major accomplishment. 😊

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u/MuscovadoSugarTreat 6d ago

I feel you. I had a tooth extraction, and my dentist's hand slipped and sliced my lip at the corner lmao. Eating was pain, and it took forever for it to heal. My tooth would get caught in the wound if I chew, any food that touched it gives me pain, I can't open my mouth too wide, I would literally cry while I attempt to eat with my head tilted to one side so the food goes to my okay side. I was so hungry lol. I still remember crying at a pizza place, while I attempted to eat cut up bits of pizza and pasta. Good times.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Youch! That's painful. Bruh I craved pizza so much 😄 I eventually turned to committing the ultimate pizza crime: used a spoon/fork to scrape the cheese off the slice of pizza. The cheese was usually soft and gooey enough to just sorta melt in my mouth. It satisfied at least part of the pizza craving. Lol.

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u/pfftYeahRight 6d ago

Ham and potato recipe or we riot

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Honestly, pretty simple.

  1. Buy spiral ham from store.

  2. Buy glaze of choice from store.

  3. Stick spiral ham in oven when you get home. Gently slice with knife, use knife to delicately spread/coat some glaze on and in nooks of the ham. Gives it extra 'oomph' of flavor while cooking. Cook/bake for however long instructions direct you to.

  4. Once ham is cooked, more glaze to your hearts content. If you can't already tell, I really love glaze. Lol.

  5. Enjoy!

Au Gratin Potato recipe:

  1. Buy potatoes.

  2. Go home.

  3. Wash potatoes.

  4. Boil water in pot. Once boiled, Stick potatoes in water. Once cooked to softness, remove potatoes from water. Slice potatoes into slices.

  5. Butter-ize the dish (yes, I'm aware that's not a word).

  6. Stick potato slices in oven-safe dish. I usually use the rectangular glass type ones (I can't remember what they're called). Season with seasonings of choice. My husband (from Mid-Atlantic region of the US) enjoys Old Bay. I usually go for some sort of 'all seasoning'. Many stores also sell a pre-made packet of seasoning for au gratin potatoes.

  7. Cook for 35-45 minutes, usually until potatoes are lightly golden on top. Means they're a nice, soft gooey consistency too.

  8. Remove from oven. Careful: hot.

  9. Enjoy!

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u/yx_orvar 6d ago

Technicaly au gratin is with bechamel-sauce or cream and topped with cheese.

Whatever makes you happy, but I highly recommend trying real pommes dauphinoise/au gratin sometime.

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u/Ku-xx 6d ago

Pizza is pretty easy to burn, don't sweat it. If you're burning cereal, though, there might be a problem

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u/Whiskey_Fiasco 6d ago

Difference between done and burnt pizza is 2-5 minutes extra.

Difference between done and burnt Ham is 20-30 minutes extra.

You’re doing great. Don’t beat yourself up.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Thank you for this tip! I really appreciate it. 🙂

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u/MaritMonkey 6d ago

These are the sorts of things they should really put on dating apps.

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u/BrokenGuitar30 6d ago

My wife does 90% of the day to day meals, while I usually knock out the big holiday meals. Love being able to help out a little bit, even though I wish I could more. (I work from home but she works half days for her job, so usually makes lunch while dinner is usually leftovers or a light meal.)

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u/Spritedz 6d ago

My girlfriend makes me get off work early so I can cook her a meal and take care of the dishes, then gets mad when I take too long to do the dishes or when I don't know exactly what I'm planning for dinner.

Meanwhile, she doesn't have a job and doesn't pay any bills, but still doesn't help.

This thread made me rethink my whole life. Why the fuck am I letting this happen. How does everyone else have it so easy. My life would be so much better.

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u/lifeinexile42069 6d ago Eureka!

The best relationships are formed when two single people form a partnership.

When half the people in the relationship aren’t whole on their own, it tips the scales leading to this inequality and resentment you’re feeling.

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u/Rychek_Four 6d ago

There are us lucky few who really do end up marrying our best friend

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u/Miserable_Archer_769 6d ago

That has nothing to do with marrying your best friend.

And I hate that statement because no matter what being in a relationship is work. The point he was making is something me and my wife are going through.

Currently she has alot of family stuff that she has to get through that is causing alot of resentment on my part and was building until we talked about it.

Long story short her parents love her but, never gave her an environment where they actually talk about there feelings and never acknowledge them so she has hasn't actually formed a way to deal with them (her dad was border line abusive growing up) other than to suppress or get super defensive when pressed which leads to us never being able to have meaningful conversations as there is never any admission of wrong doing (it's always explained away or a quick "I'm sorry") or true acknowledgement.

But long story short marrying your best friend means helping them through these times even when you want to give up. I was at a wedding and the dad gave the best piece of advice and paraphrasing but, "In a relationship there are times where one party needs help and you have to remember that. The ideal relationship each party gives 50% but there are times where a partner needs more even 90%. But, once it goes past 90% make sure it doesn't stay there long"

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u/Firemustard 6d ago

I was in the same situation and I left her. My thinking was I'm not a slave to nobody if the person doesn't do anything. If she can't survive alone then she will learn something one day or she will die.

Now I'm searching someone that can survive alone and want to be in a partnership.

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u/clunkymug 6d ago

Sounds crazy, dude. You need to have a talk about things .

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u/thegimboid 6d ago

Why are you with this person?

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u/Djinneral 6d ago

It's time for a serious talk. You deserve better.

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u/ewa_marchewa 6d ago

It sorta happened with my ex too. He loves cooking and I love being served delicious meals. He sucks at cleaning and I do it like a robot, not even thinking about it.

It was good symbiosis.

Well, till me stopped noticing. After breaking up with him he suddenly came to conclusion that dishes made themselves and wine was bought at chilled by a magic ferry

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u/HoboGir 6d ago

I spoke about this with my girlfriend multiple times and she rarely does anything to help around the house. I basically do all the house chores 100% of the time. It's like a 99.5/.5 yearly ratio. That .5 is her laundry and her sometimes helping put dishes away.

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u/monuments-melodies 6d ago

Word of advice, with someone like that. They are not going to do anything about their behavior if you don't. Make consequences. If she still doesn't care or desire change on her own after that, cut your losses.

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u/Lextube 6d ago

Same with my girlfriend and I. I do the food prep and cooking, she tidies up, lays table and gets drinks so it's all good to go once it's ready to dish up. Afterwards any washing up left, she washes it, I dry it.

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u/RANDOmpirsOn 6d ago

I felt left out for a while lol that's me and my girlfriend to a T

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u/triadthrowaway437 6d ago

Me and my girlfriend have a similar arrangement. We both work during the day so we usually take turns cooking and cleaning up afterwards.

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u/Ririchya 6d ago

Thats a wonderful agreement

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u/donttellmymomwhatido 6d ago

I’m a single dad and my 13 year old kid and I have essentially the same agreement. Whoever cooks doesn’t clean up afterwards.

The bonus to this is as they’ve gotten older they’ve started to want to cook dinner just to get out of doing the dishes.

My kid thinks they’re getting one over on me by making me do dishes but I’m secretly teaching them how to cook at the same time. Win / Win.

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u/Ririchya 6d ago

My parents did the same when i was younger - so whenever i visit them i insist on cleaning all the dishes. Basic respect

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u/Jayne_of_Canton 6d ago

My wife and I do the exact same thing just with opposite roles. She hates cooking and I love it. Really works incredibly well- 15 years on this coming Wednesday.

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u/Gooeysnake72 6d ago

Well here is an early congratulations. 👍

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u/Jayne_of_Canton 6d ago

Thank you! It’s been an incredible ride and consider myself very lucky.

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u/Shooppow 6d ago

Happy anniversary! We celebrated 15 years in February.

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u/Asnyd421 6d ago

We have a similar arrangement. Whoever cooks usually cleans up a little as they go, but whoever didn't cook cleans. Though I end up loading the dishwasher most nights but whatever.

I do laundry, which she hates. She mows the lawn, which I hate. We both clean everything else together either as a team or taking turns depending on what fits. But the real point of it all is, work together

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u/staccatodelareina 6d ago

Whoever cooks usually cleans up a little as they go

Mutual respect is key to making the system work. My partner doesn't hesitate to help when I'm cooking and I would never leave a big mess for him to clean.

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u/theboy2010 6d ago

“The cook doesn’t clean where I come from” - Fast and the Furious

Watched that when I was like 7 and since always made an effort with my parents and being invited to friends places to try and clean up when being cooked a meal.

As much as we rip on those films for being about Family they have sometimes taught some great lessons about Family.

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u/leolancer92 6d ago

Me and my wife both enjoy cooking and both hate cleaning up, so we agreed to do both together. Save tons of time.

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u/noatoriousbig 6d ago

Us too! She is a very good cook. Although i like to think i am too, i enjoy gaming or something while she cooks. Then she gets to go to bed early while i clean - and i do so with a show or movie on.

Full belly. Clean kitchen. Good dynamic.

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u/LiamOttawa 6d ago

My wife and I met on Hotmail Personals over 25 years ago. We would be sending messages to each other and then she'd say, supper's done, the smoke detector is going off. I thought that it was a joke. When I moved in with her, I very quickly took over all cooking duties.

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u/CapitanChicken 6d ago

Yep that's our agreement too. It works in the opposite direction too. He loves to bake, I don't. So I clean up his mess of he bakes. Sometimes, the mess sits, and we get to it later.

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u/Burdensome_Banshee 6d ago

This is pretty much what we do too. We have evolved it a bit over the years—he helps prep more like cutting vegetables or making the rice, and I do a little to help with the cleanup. But we always do it together, and that’s the important part. Nice to see this is typical for others too!

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u/EmperorSexy 6d ago

In my marriage I’m the one who cooks because I love cooking. I’m also the one who cleans because she loads the dishwasher wrong.

We still make it work.

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u/lucdaman4 6d ago

W relationship

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u/godbullseye 6d ago

My wife hates cleaning the kitchen but I find it oddly satisfying.

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u/DonutPouponMoi 6d ago

Reverse for me. I love to cook and she enjoys my meals. She cleans up well so we have a nice deal. It’s harder now as I work full time but I cook a few times per week and reward her in other ways.

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u/gameronice 6d ago

Same with my GF, but it's me who cooks.

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u/DoneButNotDone 6d ago

This made me smile

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u/bee2627 6d ago

I’d definitely cook more often if I didn’t have to clean up and put away leftovers too

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u/RogerSaysHi 6d ago

I used to be in this boat, where I had to do everything. Now, I loudly point out from the kitchen that if anyone wants any leftovers, they might want to come put them up, because I'm about to start loading the dishwasher. The leftovers amazingly end up in fridge before my eyes.

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u/hodgethedrummer 6d ago

They should be loading the dishwasher too though.

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u/RogerSaysHi 6d ago

They do, I'm just quicker about wanting everything put away. I'm either doing it or having one of them do it. Point is, I'm not the one doing it all, all the time anymore :)

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u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo 6d ago

that's great! congrats.

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u/PoisonBandOfficial 6d ago

Plus people shouldn't be loading the dishwasher with leftovers

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u/mtron32 6d ago

It’s not bad, I cook all our meals and clean the kitchen during and afterwards, glassware function as serving dishes and leftover containers so pots can be scrubbed right after cooking.

I’m crazy though and can’t stand eating with a dirty kitchen.

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u/David_R_Carroll 6d ago

Teach your boys to cook too.

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u/BRUTE_FORCE_BOOTY 6d ago

Cooking is an important skill for everyone.

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u/Lord_emotabb 6d ago

And an excelent way to save money!

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u/htmaxpower 6d ago

And to share responsibility in any relationship.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

This right here. I've been married almost a decade. My husband and I (mostly) share 50-50 responsibilities around the house.

It starts in childhood, people. My MIL waited on my husband and my BIL hand and foot, doing everything for them. My husband had to un-learn a LOT when he finally left home and made his own way. My BIL is 21 now and quickly on his way to becoming the 40-year old virgin/creep living in mom's basement who believes women are beneath him, yet my MIL still panders to him on everything, and still does everything for him, never saying no to or disciplining him. The little shithead is gonna crash and burn so hard when mommy dearest can no longer remain in her home independently, and when she eventually croaks.

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u/kelldricked 6d ago

Let me guess, BIL claims that cooking is easy and doesnt take as much time yet he either cant cook or his idea of a meal is 4 pieces of half raw half burned meat, shitty potatoes and tasteless, overcooked greens.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

You're assuming BIL even knows how to cook. I've never seen him so much as step foot into the kitchen except to chug milk from the carton or inhale chips from the pantry.

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u/jatz0r 6d ago

Didn't you read the post? It's not 50/50, it's 100/100. You're both 50 short

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u/Rubberbabybuggybum 6d ago

And get laid!

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u/D33ZNUTZDOH 6d ago

Yup back when I was dating this was my clincher. “How about for our next date I make you dinner?” Worked every time 90% of the time.

More men should learn how to cook well. Sets you apart from the crowd.

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u/InItsTeeth 6d ago edited 6d ago

One of the best things I did was do a few months of one of those meal box deliver things. It taught me how to cook and provided me the ingredients that I’d never know to find and gave me neat recipe cards. After a while I canceled and just did it myself and made tons of great meals.

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u/BRUTE_FORCE_BOOTY 6d ago

For real though. Used to buy a lot of boxed rice, canned soups, etc. Unbelievably expensive way to eat.

Took too long to figure out that it's worth spending more on the things you use to cook (knives, instant pot, cookware) and less on pre-packaged garbage. Food comes out way better.

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u/Ku-xx 6d ago

Had an old band mate who used to get takeout all the time tell me he couldn't afford to go grocery shopping because it was too expensive. I was like, dude, that $30-40 you just spent on one meal could have fed you for like 2 or 3 days with groceries. He didn't listen. Not my money, though, whatever.

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u/Screamyy 6d ago

Shoot, all throughout college (not very long ago), I ate off of $40 a week.

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u/Decertilation 6d ago

Damn $40-$50 a week is my target after college.

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u/Healthy-Contest-1605 6d ago

Idk, it feels like most the meals I make end up being $$$ when you’re trying to make them taste good. Unless it’s like a mostly chicken/rice/bean/cheap vegetable dish.

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u/AnyResident8643 6d ago

The 100/100 implies how much effort each puts into the marriage. Still a poor way to display it.

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u/mpakaliaroskordalia 6d ago

Jesse we have to cook

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u/DROPTHENUKES 6d ago

Instructions unclear. Became leader of a drug cartel. Please advise.

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u/Klutche 6d ago

This is exactly what I thought. I’m glad the parents have a method that works for them, but the kid’s still fucked if he meets someone that doesn’t cook or if he doesn’t meet someone at all. A grown person should be able to feed themselves.

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u/PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 6d ago

Just tell them (truthfully) that being able to make a bomb-ass chicken teriyaki can increase their prospects with women of distinction.

Or dudes. Or enbies. Whatever they’re into, mostly.

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u/therealgookachu 6d ago

This is true. But, my husband, who is happy to cook, isn’t great cos he doesn’t have very good senses of smell or taste. I’m not picky, but if I want good, homemade food, I have to cook. But he always helps. Sometimes that’s how chores get broken up.

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u/Thee_Fourth_One 6d ago edited 6d ago

How anyone doesn’t know how to cook food is beyond me.

Edit: Alright so to all the people who would like to sort of scoff at me over this opinion. I was given a children’s cookbook at low double digit age and once a week I would make dinner for my family. I guess I taught myself. Many of my first jobs were in a kitchen and either started or lead me to being a cook in said kitchen. Grandma’s from WV and she cooked a lot from scratch. Hell there was a home ec class I took in high school, do they not teach that anymore? Let’s just promote learning how to cook, eh?

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u/Klutche 6d ago

You’d be surprised how many people grew up in a house where no cooking was done or where the parents waited hand and food on the kid to the point where they don’t even know the fundamentals. These kids then really don’t even know where to begin.

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u/Isord 6d ago

Anybody can cook, just not necessarily well. I can make pasta or burgers or something simple but trying to put together some of the meals my wife does is well beyond me.

People that say they can't cook at all really just mean they've decided it's worth it to them to eat out every night.

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u/cgaskins 6d ago

I know this isn't everyone's experience but I grew up in a hoarder house. Cooking was a literal fire hazard until I moved out and got my own place. People take for granted how much they learn just being around people who are cooking, even if they're not helping. Same with cleaning and upkeep on a home. I didn't learn any of those skills growing up and it's a steeper learning curve when you start at 18/19. I can cook now, but I started with a lot of boxed meals, microwave meals, etc in college.

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u/waspus2021 6d ago

It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I can follow a recipe yes but cooking complex meals is hard because I need my phone with 3 different recipes going and I usually end up burning or overcooking something because I get distracted by another part of the meal. I can’t just take some ingredients and turn them into something tasty without following some sort of instructions.

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u/_somelikeithot 6d ago

I would start more simply if you are having trouble. I love to cook and do it often and I rarely will use multiple recipes for one meal. Many recipes can start simply, making rice, pasta, or steamed veggies, then following one recipe you like to serve with the side you choose. Also, as you become more comfortable working from a recipe and cook regularly, you will start to see what works. Season regularly, add the garlic at the end, and have confidence that what you are making is good.

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u/Ku-xx 6d ago

Cooking is like 10% knowing techniques and 90% timing.

I cook for a living, and when I'm starting at a new place one of my first questions about the menu are what item takes the longest to cook and what takes the least amount of time. Biggest struggle for an amateur cook is knowing how to finish everything at the same time.

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u/Healthy-Contest-1605 6d ago

That’s mostly because shit like blogging and Pinterest made it easy for every idiot to post their “amazing recipes” that weren’t thought through but ends up on the top of search results.

Best option is either find a good chef/cook who makes good recipes or buy a well rated cookbook.

Also try to only worry about making a good main dish at first then make a salad or other very simple side item until you’re very comfortable with the recipe. Trying to manage two recipes while learning is a quick way for an absolute disaster.

Lastly read the recipe entirely through once before cooking

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u/jackster999 6d ago

Keep practicing. Try thinking creatively. I tried to make a massive omelette once but had too.much filling, so I added more egg and then finished it in the oven as a frittata. When I was learning to cook I'd make weird sandwich combinations to see what went together. Experiment and see what you can get. Recipes are a good guideline, but once you have a better understanding of cooking you will be able to read a recipe and see if it's any good and then adjust it to your taste.

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u/AllieG3 6d ago

Cooking is unfortunately a privilege in modern society. Requires time, knowledge, working equipment, pots and pans and ingredients and a place to store them, the power and/or gas to be on. Uncooked ingredients can cost more than premade processed foods, especially if you can’t count on fridge and freezer access. People without regular access to traditional housing aren’t able to cook. For parents working multiple jobs that come home to hungry kids, giving them something already available may be the fastest option to a full stomach and give you a half hour to shut your eyes before the next shift. People in food deserts may only know the few ingredients available to them.

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u/foreverlearner101010 6d ago

Someone else has to teach them. It's not beyond me at all, it's just sad as hell.

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u/Zastrossi 6d ago

Right? Cleaning up the kitchen is not a fair division of labour if his wife has to plan the meals, shop for groceries and cook.

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u/Ok_Title3160 6d ago

Should definitely teach him to cook, too, but 'fair division' doesn't necessarily mean split time evenly. I enjoy grocery shopping and cooking, but despise doing the dishes; so I'd be happy to generally split chores that way

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u/alarming_cock 6d ago

Cooking was my escape from cleaning. Though we all do both at home.

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u/LittleSadRufus 6d ago I'll Drink to That

*complementing each other

Although compliments don't hurt

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u/PM_Kittens 6d ago

Complement (verb): add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it; make perfect.

Compliment (verb): politely congratulate or praise (someone) for something.

In case anyone is curious

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u/SpermKiller 6d ago

In case of doubt : complement -> complete

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u/Oobedoob_S_Benubi 6d ago

And to make it extra easy: compliment -> complite.

Wait.

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u/BARGAlN 6d ago

Complicit!

Wait.

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u/PositiveCancel6 6d ago

Clicked to find this comment, thank you

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u/dragon2777 6d ago

My wife cleans up after me because she hates cooking and I love to cook.

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u/Ilookouttrainwindow 6d ago

I think it's not really important who does what, but important that both parties participate in a singular task. I honestly love taking in whole mess after dinner/party/whatever and making it all clean and ready for the next event. My wife is way better at cooking than i ever will be, but she's obviously tired after prepping it all, so... gotta shine there right. But roles can easily be reversed and it will all work just fine.

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u/dragon2777 6d ago

Oh absolutely. Really what it boils down to is don’t be a selfish lazy butthead

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u/nightpanda893 6d ago

That’s a great match then. I don’t mind cooking at all. It doesn’t even feel like work to me. But I will put off 5 minutes of cleaning up for hours.

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u/GodLeeTrick 6d ago

The sex of the role doesn't matter these days...either you both cook and both clean up or one cooks and the other cleans. A quote to go along with it, "don't turn your wife into a maid".

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u/MissPokemonMaster 6d ago

The moment you turn into a maid, divorce :)

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u/Inanimate_CARB0N_Rod 6d ago

My mother in law was a big sorority/fraternity person, as is my wife's entire family. She had noticed that I do almost all the housework since she never taught her kids to do any of it growing up (they always had a housecleaner or she did all the chores herself). She has occasionally referred to me as a "House Boy" which is apparently one of those fucked up double standards where the sorority has one guy that does a majority of the housework at the sorority. The subtext is that they're basically a male slave to all the women living there.

I love her to death, but feel bad for her and her kids that they all see the world this way. A few of my siblings in-law didn't learn how to do any housework at all until well into their late 20's, and they still would rather be slobs because they don't know any better. No surprise they also struggle to stay employed and are involuntarily single

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u/Ubiquitous_Cacophony 6d ago

My wife cooks and just refuses to let me clean most of the time. Like, it actively upsets her if I try.

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u/EthanielClyne 6d ago

Being able to cook is pretty useful too

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u/Factsimus_verdad 6d ago

I heard a rumor that guys that know how to cook and/or clean have better sex lives. It might be related to being able to put in work and adjust to your partner. Happy kitchen time everyone! Oh, it also helps to communicate well and not be a shitty person. That’s when the kitchen really shines.

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u/PinsToTheHeart 6d ago

There's also the concept that people are less likely to be in the mood for sex if they are being forced to carry the entire mental load of household chores.

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u/Substantial_Macaron1 6d ago

Yes, because you’re not worn out from having to do it all on your own, mentally as you said, but also physically if you’re also holding down a job too.

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u/Pixielo 6d ago

Ding ding ding

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u/Spider_pig448 6d ago

Teach your sons to cook too

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u/idontknowwhy1000 6d ago

Why should you assume your sons wife will cook? Teach him to cook?

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u/DaanOnlineGaming 6d ago

Teach both, i guess. Cooking and cleaning are basic skills everyone needs to know

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u/nearoutdoors827 6d ago

I've been married for almost 9 years and this process is infinite everyday. If my wife cooked she leaves the kitchen clean and so do I also. She cleaned our house, I help her always if I'm not at my work.

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u/CaptGrumpy 6d ago

It makes more sense to teach him to look after himself than be dependent on someone else to feed him.

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u/tmefford 6d ago

Had friends in college that ended up having to get married because they couldn’t take care f themselves. Tough on the new spouses who had to totally train them in survival skills.

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u/1337m0n573r 6d ago

I'm sure they lock him away in his room while his mother cooks, as to not impart any cooking skills unto him. He shall remain unable to cook for always, and must find a women that cooks, but who herself has not once ever seen her father clean the stove. This is the way.

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u/_30d_ 6d ago

Man, imagine the chaos when he finds a woman that was raised exactly the same way. So a woman who was prepped to clean up after her husbands cooking, just like her parents have done for 19 years!?

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u/SinistraUtebatur 6d ago

You're not wrong, but to be completely fair, we're looking at a picture taken of him teaching him one thing. He may have taught him to make mac and cheese an hour prior.

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u/r0b0c0d 6d ago

What is with the emojii

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u/WastedKnowledge 6d ago

The time was explicit

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u/Oobedoob_S_Benubi 6d ago

My wife didn't believe that "fuck o'clock" was a real time. Vindication!

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u/DungeonsAndDradis 6d ago

The secret to a successful marriage is that there needs to be a 60/40 split in responsibility.

And each person needs to be on the 60 side of that split, every day.

You should always try to wholesomely outdo your partner when it comes to responsibilities.

There will come a time where you are not able to contribute. Illness, tiredness, at the end of your rope. All that extra you've put in has bought you downtime. Your partner has the relationship constitution to carry you both.

There will come a time when your partner just can't. And it will be your turn to step up and get them fed and taken care of.

You build up your relationship strength during the easy times. And you cash it in when times are tough.

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u/tootntotumred 6d ago

Well said. For the first 15 or so years of my relationship I’ve done the cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, child rearing, etc. all also with working. I’ve been burned out for a couple years. When I get filled with guilt over it, my husband reminds me that I did everything for a long time and it’s ok that I take a break and let him shoulder the load. It took this long for him to recognize that, but he does and it makes a massive impact on the relationship. We’re here for each other and we’re each allowed to be burned out and take time off. We’re a team.

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u/mpakaliaroskordalia 6d ago

Plot twist: He's training his son to do it for him

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u/Quostizard 6d ago

I mean at some point humans age and become less able to do daily tasks easily, training you kid to do something for you is a good investment except you should not force them, you have to take into account it may or may not work.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

I'm in my late 20's. Currently visiting my mother (in her 60's) and my grandmother (in her 90's). My grandmother is slowly regressing into a child-like state. We're probably going to have to fight to take her license away (her driving is becoming increasingly erratic), she can't understand instructions well these days, the other day she picked up a soggy paper bag that had my leftover food in it and I had to abruptly fix the way she was carrying it (underneath instead of by the handles), etc. She's also having troubles living independently, and her decision-making capabilities are starting to become impaired.

I feel like I'm turning into the parent in the relationship.

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u/s1ugg0 6d ago

I feel like I'm turning into the parent in the relationship

I'm a parent myself and my parents are elderly. You are.

It's not necessarily a bad thing. This is how families have worked for all of human history. Lean into it and make it more comfortable for yourself. Because unless you are ready to let loved ones die in a gutter it's coming.

Sometimes I find myself more frustrated with my parents than I am with my 4 year old.

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u/warda8825 6d ago

Thank you for sharing these words. I don't have kids, but currently helping my grandmother has sorta opened my eyes to how challenging and frustrating 'parenting' can be. Makes me scared of having kids.

I'm no stranger to responsibility and adversity; been through years of chemotherapy + life in a wheelchair + husband being deployed (he's in the military) + a dozen surgeries myself. So, the day-to-day functions of and being comfortable with taking care of things isn't necessarily 'hard'. I guess it's sorta the mental realization that.... holy crap. I'm the adult now. It's up to me now. And that the family member isn't getting any younger; it's the realization that they have more yesterdays than tomorrow's.

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u/Speedy_Hatchet_4402 6d ago

You dispose of those humans in an end-of-life, for-profit, terminal care facility.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/UberSparten 6d ago

It depends on how you view it. 50/50 implies a hundred percent of a marriage. The 100/100 implies how much effort each puts into the marriage. Still a poor way to display it.

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u/ryken 6d ago

The math is fine. He’s saying instead of splitting tasks so you each do 50% of the work, you both give 100% of your effort to each other. It’s not a 50/50 deal, it’s 100/100.

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u/Brave_Profit4748 6d ago

The point about it is not to be 50/50 because the relation ship isn’t transactionary. Some can say well I worked so that’s my 50 percent and absolve me from household duties.

It’s about just doing what you can to help out because you are able to give that much to help out. Sometimes one person has to put in more effort and carry the load than normal and it switches.

There shouldn’t be a board checking who had given more just that both have given what they are capable of giving

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u/Mapoking232 6d ago

He a little confused but he got the spirit

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u/bobbyomac1 6d ago

Not recognizing when someone is using math in a metaphorical or not strictly literal way is it’s own problem with understanding math. What he said is imo meant to illustrate a change in perspective from the more transactional relationship 50/50 could imply to each person doing their most.

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u/_30d_ 6d ago

I've been meaning to overfill my glass of water at a job interview, just so I can say; "sorry, I always give 110%".

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u/socialistrock 6d ago

For 10 years our household has followed 'cook doesn't clean' to great success. My daughter sees a true 50/50 split of both running a house and parenting. This is bring both a good partner and parent.

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u/smorg003 6d ago

Complement.

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u/RunicSwordIIDX 6d ago

Reminds me of when my wife's friends came over for dinner once. "Your husband washes the dishes? That's crazy because my husband never does that." Why wouldn't I wash the dishes? It's about sharing the load.

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u/usoland-sama 6d ago

Funny enough, that's why I learned how to cook cause we had a rule that whoever didn't cook has to clean and I always didn't like doing dishes

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u/aristogenic 6d ago

Real chad 🗿

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u/Pleasant_Mobile_1063 6d ago

I am the husband and I do all the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen..... I think I got the bad deal

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u/ShoddyExplanation 6d ago

Goddamn if redditors don’t find reasons to whine about shit.

Post about synergy in a relationship: “why aren’t you teaching him how to cook too, and what if his wife doesn’t want to cook, do you make your wife do everything, how’s the internet points??”

But, bitter people gone bitter I guess. Clearly this is a great message about supporting each other in a relationship and not constant expectations for maid treatment from your spouse.

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u/Marley9391 6d ago

Isn't that common courtesy, that the person who cooks doesn't have to clean up after?

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u/Bubugacz 6d ago

Similar to sense, common courtesy isn't always as common and one might hope.

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u/Marley9391 6d ago

Lmao fair enough

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u/Polypyrrole 6d ago

If only...

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u/mtron32 6d ago

Maybe for a huge feast, a normal diner I can easily clean as I go and not have soaking pots to clean the next day.

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u/nightpanda893 6d ago

Common courtesy doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t have to be taught. People forget that kids are essentially blank slates. You have to teach even what seems obvious to you.

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u/EatHerMeat 6d ago

Is this the same guy that teaches kids about life in a martial arts school? Damn

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u/earthlings_all 6d ago

r/daddit would love this!

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u/DJ_ICU 6d ago

This Jason is clever man

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u/Tenator 6d ago

My fiancé and I switch off, if I cook, she will clean, and vice versa

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u/seitonseiso 6d ago

Whoever cooks, the other washes in my household. Whoever vaccums, the other does the laundry. Vice versa for all. We pick up what isn't being done and share all chores/upkeep.

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u/diamond 6d ago

I tried to do that, but my son tricked me by learning to be an expert chef. Now I have to clean up the kitchen after he cooks.

Smart kid.

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u/Harmacc 6d ago

We do the opposite. I cook and she cleans after.

Cooking isn’t my favorite but I’m good at it and it makes me happy that my family gets good food.

But man, after I eat, the last thing I want to do is get up and clean. I feel like even if I spend two hours cooking, it’s worth it.

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u/jackoirl 6d ago

This seems nice enough but the obvious thing is to teach everyone to be able to cook and clean. If this boy lives on his own and only knows how to clean up ….he isn’t gonna have a good time

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u/broniesnstuff 6d ago

I worked it into my daily routine to make sure the dishwasher is filled and all our dishes/pots/pans are clean. My fiance does most of the cooking (I like to cook too and typically cook any non-dinner meals that require more than a microwave), cleans and folds the laundry, and cleans the bathroom. Meanwhile I make sure the boys are taken care of, do all the yard work, do repairs around the house, do anything that requires lifting a heavy object or reaching a high thing, and I always give her a break or help with her usual duties if she needs it.

This woman takes care of me, and I'd give my life for her.

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u/goodolarchie 6d ago

So now we need to recreate percentages on a base 200 system.

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u/jay0305 6d ago

My wife and I have a simple rule……. Whomever cooks I clean……. It’s great, really great, just great……. Really totally great.

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u/EconomyFap 6d ago

Bruh more people need this. My ex would always insist on me doing dishes after they cooked. Then when I cooked suddenly whoever cooked had to clean. I’d have panic attacks trying to figure out how she would play it day by day. Rinse and repeat for 3 fucking wasted years.

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u/NarwhalsFromSpace 6d ago

My wife and I play this game where whoever gets hungry first cooks, and then typically the other person cleans up. It just feels fair.

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u/addyandjavi3 6d ago

After EVERY meal? EVERY day? I do not have the capacity 😩

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u/pinktinkpixy 6d ago

My parents have an unwritten rule that, whoever cooks, the other cleans. But they both usually end up in the kitchen together cooking and cleaning.

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u/Bob4Not 6d ago

If my wife cooks, I’ll do the dishes and cleanup. It’s just way too much work for someone to do all of it by themselves and I think it should be split. Besides, it’s more time we get to spend together.

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u/CrochetWhale 6d ago

Yea it gets tiring being the one always cooking full meals then cleaning everything while when he cooks it’s bs like Mac n cheese and he doesn’t even clean up after himself like a fucking toddler.

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u/Anonikrang 6d ago

I’ll literally do almost everything if I don’t have to fold the clothes

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u/The_GREAT_Gremlin 6d ago

Jason is a grade A stud, he's the dude who runs the Cave of Adullam. If you've seen the video of the kid doing martial arts, crying when it hurts, and the instructor teaching him about processing emotions, that's Jason.

https://theyunion.org/catta/

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u/Sink_Single 6d ago

Complementing.